Reckless Abandonment

I am currently on my 5th day of quarantine and despite the circumstances, I’ve never felt so fulfilled. Yes, I have my concerns, I’ve cried, I’ve been angry, but I’ve owned it. If you do not own your feelings, you can not surrender them to the Lord. So I encourage you to tell Jesus that you’re upset, or angry, whatever it is. Own it, surrender it, and let the Father of mercy and love come in and fill you.

Just yesterday I had the joy of having spiritual direction over the phone with Sister. We talked about the usual, and I was able to just share my soul with her and reflect on how Jesus is working in my life. Then Sister asked the most random question. She said, “Describe your room to me, what is on the walls?” 

I looked around the room and noticed three places throughout my room had the words reckless abandonment. The was one a whiteboard next to the divine mercy image, And it said “Dance before the Lord your God with reckless abandonment. Then next to all my Marian prayer cards there is a crinkled piece of paper with a bunch of tiny written bible verses, and over the top, of them, it says in big bold cursive “Total reckless abandonment.” Then the third place was the most ironic. I have a whiteboard calendar, and it was filled with all the work and events I needed to tend to prior to it all being canceled, and at the top of the calendar it says “Reckless abandonment.” I begin to laugh, all of this was there before the pandemic, but now it’s like the walls were speaking truth to my heart. 

Sister at this point is also laughing at the irony of all this.  We then preceded to talk about how this is exactly what we are called to. I thought about Andrew and James who upon hearing John the Baptist say “Behold the Lamb of God”, went after Jesus, with a deep desire to go wherever he was going. They wished to abandon everything they were doing and abide with Jesus in the heart of the Father. Do you not also wish to abide in the heart of the Father?

I know a lot of my friends are upset about not being able to receive the Eucharist right now, and I’m right there with you. I’ll be honest I’ve thrown myself prostrate on the floor in tears during moments of frustration, and I could feel my heart pining to just be in the mere presence of the tabernacle next door. Yes, it stinks, but look at the beauty of the longing heart, and also realize that God has become present to us in a whole new way, we just need to empty ourselves in order to receive it. Yesterday during online mass, I closed my eyes and I saw Jesus standing before us breaking the bread at the altar, which was such a beautiful consolation for my heart considering I never usually have visual prayer at all. And I share that for the sole purpose of showing you that unless you surrender your worries, your doubt, your anger, and anything else clouding your mind, there is no way you are going to see just how intimately close God is to your heart. 

Jesus can not fill that which you have not emptied. So I pray that you empty yourself out to Him. Pour out your heart and let Him in. We need now more than ever people who can be the joy and hope for others. In spiritual direction Sister really encouraged to invite people into my/your prayer. Ask people to pray the rosary with you, maybe read the liturgy of the hours, start a novena.

 We also said how with that prayer we need to just realize this whole pandemic is in His hands, and good (despite evil) will come from this. By praying and filling ourselves with His love we are able to share that with those we call and talk to.  I could of wrote a huge blog about all the sad things people are experiencing or told you things to fill you with more anxiety than you already have, but that’s not what you need. 

What you need is the joy of being loved by the Father. You need peace, tranquility, hope.

 So take a break from Facebook scrolling, toilet paper hoarding, or crying over online classes and just pray. Let God light your heart on fire, and spread it to others. (Call people up!)

So much has been taken from you, and stripped of you. School has been canceled for many, sports have been put on hold, vacations canceled, weddings canceled, the economy is crashing.  But you still have an infinite amount of choices, you could panic, you could be in denial, but I promise you the best option is total reckless abandonment.

I love you guys, and He loves you more. God bless.

Also, check out the quarantine vlog my roommate made

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