The Places I don’t Want to Go

Amen, amen, I say to you, when you were younger, you used to dress yourself and go where you wanted; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go”

 I had a person recently tell me how he thought people did mission to make themselves feel good. Which really had me reflecting on why I do mission? And one answer I did not come to is because it makes me feel good. Let me ask you this. Why do you study? Brush your teeth? Go to bed at night? Is it because it’s fun? No you do it because you know it is what’s good for you. And typically these are things we try to make time for no matter what because these are things we need to do. We should see our relationship with God and a life of mission in that very same light. For a lot of us the thirst and desire for complete unity with God is not going to come until we dive head first into it.

And this mission does not start later, it starts now. Everyone’s mission looks different, but every single on of us should have a mission rooted in prayer. I’ve heard people say “Well I just don’t think God’s calling me to mission”yet when I ask them if they’ve taken a deep amount of time to pray about it? The answer is usually no. How can you expect to know what Jesus desires for you when you haven’t taken the time to listen? Or maybe you’re like me, and you struggle to not come to Jesus with a list of reasons why you don’t feel called to do something. Instead of making excuses, surrender your fears. Because I tell you what, Jesus does not change His mind. But he also knows what’s best for you, and we should not be afraid of what the father has in store for us. 

A call to mission should not look like somebody trying to give their cat a bath. We shouldn’t be clawing at the sides of the tub resisting what God has in store for us. 

I mean you should of seen the loop holes I tried to jump through to avoid going to a simple discernment retreat. I was so terrified of being sucked into the habit life, but the experience was far from that. Instead I left with a feeling of peace, and a greater understanding of my call to marriage. Or there was the resistance to going to Ecuador with a bunch of guys form my Newman center at a time in my life where I despised men, or giving up my entire summer to walk across America for the unborn, or simply going out and talking to people on campus about the God who loves them. I never want to do these things, but I do desire their outcomes, and I do desire to do the Lord’s will. And If we come to Him and sit before Him, and let Him speak peace into our hearts, He most certainly will give us the grace to say yes.

When that grace pours in, it makes saying yes so much easier. Often for me Jesus takes me back to the day I recieved my first communion, and there I am little 7 year old me singing “Yes  Lord I will come and follow you, follow you wherever you go”. And if 7 year old Mikayla can make that fiat,  so can the present Mikayla. Does that mean what lies ahead is going to make me feel good and happy? No. Was it easy to kneel outside an abortion clinic listening to a man sob beside you as his unborn child was killed? Absolutely not. Is it easy to approach strangers and talk about God? No. But I rather be a heart broken, weirdo, crazy person, then stand by while rougly 3,000 babies are aborted each day across the country, and millions go without food, and girls post pictures on the internet thinking their only worth is their body, or people are out there addicted to pornagraphy an industry that feeds the demand for sex trafficking. I’m not going to walk away when my Lord is still  upon that cross being crucified. I’m not going to stand by when I hear Him cry out “I thirst.” I am not going to stand by when I can look into His Mother’s eyes and see a heart pierced with so much sorrow yet it still overflows with hope. I will say yes. I will stretch out my hands, and let the world dress me as this monster that I am not, this person who only cares about the unborn, a hypocrite, an idol worshiper because with him I know who I am. And I will go to those places I do not want to go. I will let my heart be pierced with sorrow. I will because of who He is. He knows my heart. And no matter how hard it gets, or how many blows I take, He’s right there with me. Even if I turn away in fear, He’s right there to pull me back up to my feet and say “O you of little faith, why have you doubted me?”

St. Peter, pray for us.

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