Do you ever have those moments in life where you know that your heart will not be at peace until you do what you know is right? (Even when the right choice does not make the other choice necessarily wrong) Do you have those moments after you made that right choice where your heart aches a little? And then that ache of your emotions makes you wonder if you made the right choice. Or maybe there’s a time where you had to move on and let go of a really great community? I think we all have had these moments, and these moments are hard. These moments call us to act not on our emotions, but purely on faith alone. It calls us to trust so deeply. At times you feel like you’re being led blindly, but you have to grasp tightly to the truth of God’s goodness and that His plans are for you even when it does not feel like it.
Sometimes God makes us let go of good things. Not because He wants less for us, but rather more. We were made for more than just temporary comforts. Honestly for me letting go of good harmless things is hard. I struggle a lot. I constantly ask myself “Did God really say that?” or “Am I really making the right choice?” Then my emotions start to trigger doubt, and my mind floods with thoughts, and I can’t see Him or hear His voice. What always brings me back to my feet is solid advice from my old spiritual director. She told me, “In the face of despair do not make changes.” In fact it reminds me of a painting I did for my cross country coach in high school. In the painting was a runner and there was a quote across the top that read “Pain is only the devil tempting you to give up.” And it’s true. Let’s just be aware of the spiritual reality here. The devil wants your soul so badly, and nothing is more pure in love and holiness then choosing the selfless option. So when God calls us to let go of someone or something that is hard to let go of, the devil is going to attack you. He loses his grip because he is incapable of going through an act of humility with you. I mean look at Mary. She constantly made these decisions, and she did it so well, but her heart was pierced because just like us she was human. Letting go of who she loved the most for the greater good hurt her.
I think a great thing to meditate on in these moments is not only the crucifixion, or the annunciation, but rather the wedding feast at Cana. At the wedding feast in Cana we see Mary and Jesus’ hearts shine with humility. Mary in this moment is recognizing another’s need, and calls it to her sons attention. To which he responds “Woman, how does this concern me?” Which reveals that what she is asking for is so much more than wine. I mean Jesus could have just gone in secret and turned the water into wine, but He didn’t. In fact He didn’t just go do it Himself at all. No! He worked a miracle through the most lowly people in the room, the servants. And hold onto those servants for a second, I’ll come back to that. Now back to Mary, she’s not just asking for more wine, she is asking her son to reveal Himself. She is basically telling Jesus I love you and I know you, and I know that these people need you. But in order to serve them I know I must let you go. And Jesus is so aware of this, in fact He tells her, “My hour has not yet come.” And I could go on about that, but I’ll leave that as a good meditation point for prayer. Just meditate on the internal conversion going on between the most pure hearts the world has ever held during this moment.
Okay back to the servants, why them? Everything mentioned in scripture is intentional. So think about it. These servants were there to serve. They weren’t there for a good time, no they were there to make sure everyone else was catered to. Jesus reveals Himself to them, the meek and humble of heart. And Mary is part of this too, for she intentionally turns to the servants and says “Do exactly as He tells you”. And notice Jesus doesn’t just make a little wine, but an over abundance. And even the headwaiter notes that it is far superior then the first. This passage is so rich in symbolism, but the point I’m trying to make here is this. If we are meek and humble, and stay close to Jesus and Mary we will be satisfied. Like these servants, if we are willing to be obedient God will work miracles through us. We will be asked to let go or run out of good things, but the Lord has a finer wine in store for us. When we drink of His cup our joy will be made complete. But it’s not going to be easy.
There are times where are emotions are going to tug our hearts.Good things are hard to let go of. But Like Father Gabe told me once “If you have to chose between two good things chose the selfless option.” If you’re heart aches that’s okay. Feelings affect our gut and mind, but our heart is in sync with love. Which I will tell you time and time again is a choice, not a mere feeling.
And know this. When you feel that ache know Our blessed Mother is near and is tending to your aid. For she is close to those who humble themselves for the sake of her son. She empathizes with those who mourn and grieve, because she above all others knows well what it’s like to give up the greatest gift the world has ever received. And she knows well that it is worth it.
P.S. I know my thoughts kind of jump all over a little bit and don’t paint a full picture, but I invite you to take the part that struck your heart and go pray with it. I feel like it’s best to leave it open so you can take what you need and pray with it.